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Blood Type
Feb 04, 2010
There isn’t much to laugh about when your child is dying. The end is inevitable and your world is about to shatter. Your heart will no longer beat the same; you will no longer breathe, see, feel, understand, or live in the same way again. You’ll likely never sleep the same again either. You’ll never look at your children the same. I can think of nothing that will be the same.
But somehow, someday, you will laugh again. But of course, even the laughing will be different. It may sound the same…but it’s coming from a different heart.
We laughed once in the hospital. Just once, that I can remember. It was small and muted and masked by a million other heartaches, but it was there.
Plans were being made for organ donation. Blood types had to be matched. Recipients had to be within a certain distance so the organs could arrive still “living”. The size and age of the recipients was being taken into account and jet engines, doctors, and grateful families were standing by.
I, however, was about to do something more difficult than running a marathon, or winning a gold medal, or climbing Mt. Everest. I was giving my child’s body away to a surgeon whose name I don’t remember. He would cut it open and take her last breath. My beautiful, perfect, gorgeous Lucy would be dead. Her spirit and body no longer illuminating my side.
And I did it. And I’m a walking miracle. People don’t know it, but I’m as amazing as Michael Phelps. And I sob and hurt in the deepest part of my gut in invisible places as I think about it now.
But I’m about to tell you why we laughed.
They told us Lucy’s blood type was rare. When we inquired what type they said, “B positive.” Vic and I looked at each other and smiled, then let out a sad whimper of a chuckle. Of course it is. B+. Be positive.
BE POSITIVE!
So cheesy and so silly. But I have told myself that over and over again. "Be positive, be positive, be positive."
That is what I’ve tried to do with this site. Turn something so horrific into something positive. Lucy reminds me with her very blood.
I hope as I share my experience tomorrow on television, that someone out there will be helped. Just one person. One grieving mother who feels she can no longer go on. Because she can. One day at a time. One moment at a time. One small laugh at a time. I hope it is a positive experience. Thank you all for being a part of this with me. I owe so much of this to you.
You must be made of some good stuff. Great blood.
*photo by Justin Hackworth
Comments
Molly on 02/04/2010
Brie, we will have a blog post next week from a woman who has had two stillbirths, and lost her son in a drowning accident. I hope you will find hope through her story. Thank you for visiting. I'm sending my love....
Molly
Rebecca Jeppson on 02/04/2010
I can't wait to see you on TV! That picture of you is of course stunning.
Peggy on 02/04/2010
I like that picture a lot. And today after reading Jenny and Chris' blog posts, this makes me so happy. Lives were saved. Lucy is a hero. I love her
Haley Rademacher on 02/04/2010
I just want to say how very beautiful your blog is. I am a senior in high school who just lost my 19 year old brother. He too was an organ donor, and your blog makes me feel like I'm not the only person in the world who has experienced this. You have certainly helped me! :)
Bridget on 02/05/2010
I'm B+, too. :o)
Light in the Dark. on 02/05/2010
Thank you so much for sharing. You are amazing!
Mandy Schiess on 02/05/2010
I was so touched by your message on TV today. I had to run right to your site. I have not lost a child and simply cannot imagine that. You are a great strength. My husband is fighting a very hard disease. Life truly is a "Take it a day at a time" kindof life. It has taught me to truly treasure the simple things in life. Smiling, laughing and the wonderful Atonement. The opportunity he will have to be whole again someday. And as you know, one of the greatest blessings of all - that Families Are Forever.
Amanda Siggard on 02/05/2010
I saw your message on TV today and was very touched and reminded of the stillbirth of our twins. My husband and I struggled to have children having a miscarriage and then a few years later the twins (Caleb and Kyra). I also thought that I would never have joy again. I am so happy that I was wrong, a few years later we were blessed to adopt a beautiful little boy. Not long after that we found out that we were pregnant and 7 months later gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She struggled at first but is almost 1 and very healthy. I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for the great blessings that we have been given. We are not meant to be unhappy even through hard times we need to find joy and hold tight to those memories. The hard time is all I have of those twins and I am happy I have that. We to are happy that "Families Are Forever".
Sue Anderson on 02/05/2010
Beautiful, Molly. I had never heard you tell this story about Lucy's B+ blood. Truly inspirational.
Miggy on 02/05/2010
Molly--
Seriously, how crazy/perfect is her blood type. You are a hero... to handle this in the way that you do and to go on and help others learn to handle their grief as well. I watched the piece on KSL and you were great. So calm and articulate and real. Good job.
Mabel Blaster on 02/05/2010
Thank you Molly! Your message today on TV was so touching and wonderful!
Diane on 02/05/2010
I have not lost a child of my own, but I have been a pediatric oncology nurse at Children's hospital Oakland for 28 years. I have had the sad, sacred experience of holding a sobbing mother as her child slipped away more times than I could say. I am always so in awe of the absolute power of love, a mother's as well as God's, and the resilience of the human spirit. I have to say that you, Molly personify this in every way. I am so happy you have found joy again. God bless your little family here and in heaven.
Whitney Johnson on 02/06/2010
A friend just sent to me the clip from KSL.
I loved that you said this:
"Everyone has a voice. I shared the voice I had, and the more I shared, the stronger my voice became. You have to start where you are. "
We all have sorrow. Karen Blixen said "All sorrow can be borne if we tell a story about it."
So very true.
My best,
Whitney Johnson
cheryl on 02/06/2010
i watched your Studio 5 story and am amazed at your beauty. you are beautiful on the outside...but something radiates from the inside that is not from this world. I have not lost a child, but have lost a couple of familiy members in the last year and your strength inspires me. my blood type is also B+....I will take Lucy's leson into my life :) Thank you for your strength and inspiration!
Mara on 02/08/2010
Thank you, thank you for sharing your story. A friend of mine sent me this link last week and I am just now finding the strength to open it. I lost my daughter on January 24th after a 9 day fight. Her name was Grace. She was beautiful and amazing. I thank God for the moments I had with her and pray that I find an understanding to why she is gone.
Your writing is so touching and describes almost exactly what I am feeling inside. I am glad I found your story and hope to find the comfort and peace you seem to have today. May God Bless you and everyone around us who is suffering from grief.
One moment at a time.
marlenegetsmail on 02/08/2010
Thanks for the post Molly. I was remined about the blood type. So glad you can write about all of this. I remember being there and watching you go down the isle with Lucy. Such courage. I am Molly's Mother in Law and I love her and Vic and miss Lucy and have seen the giant, giant hill they had to climb to come back to an acceptable life. They are my heros. As old as I am. I know that none of us are through with tials. So trusting in our Heavenly Father is not always easy. But eventually it will be necessary. He knows us and holds our dear little ones until we can get them back from him. Someday, we will see the picture from far back and not up close. Up close we only see the strokes that go into our whole picture. Have a wonderful life to everyone that can't see how that is possible yet. It will come. Marlene
lindsay on 02/08/2010
molly, thank you for this site. my sister in law sent me the link just as i was wishing there was something like this out there. just as i was losing hope. somewhere i could share with others who had lost. someone to help me wade through the grief. thank you.
SOMBRERO on 03/05/2010
I wanted to thank you for this great read.
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Brie from www.notaletellsall.blogspot.com on 02/04/2010
My god. A friend directed me to your blog to help perhaps help me deal with the stillbirth of my daughter, Kendall. I am crying as I read your post. I admire your strength and your ability to laugh even while you feel the pain is tearing you apart you can scarcely breathe. Thank you for helping me, and for helping so many out there who have lost children. Thank you with everything I have.